“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen.”

(Ephesians 3:20-21 ESV)

May 13, 2025

Day 1. 

Slow Morning. Slow start. I woke up at the same time that I always do but I did not get up out of bed quickly. This year, I want to slooooowwww things down. I wonder if this is some regression I'm feeling because my oldest Is graduating soon. 

Maybe. 

Yesterday, I did the mundane task that I've put off for nearly 3 years, of putting together the children's high-school portfolios. I had to do a deep dive into the barn totes for Lily's 9th grade year and came across their many projects they've made over the years, back when we did fun home school, back when I had more energy. I would love to get back to project-based learning. The last two years were harried and hurried and boring as we covered the requirements for graduation. 

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Homeschooling four children at different ages and levels hasn't been easy. With the care and subsequent death of my dad and all that entailed, is it any wonder I slacked off in cool mom? Add to that this weirdly wild hormonal change I currently find myself in, and it makes for interesting school times of exhaustion and brain fog. 

Homeschooling in any season is hard. My children are more independent now and that definitely helps, but man, I feel like I still have to work twice as hard just to keep myself interested. It's a constant battle of lack of energy vs. avoiding boredom in the mundane daily tasks of everyday life.

Enter field trips. Gosh, we used to go on field trips all the time. We've been everywhere local, it seems. Every nature hike, historical battlefield,  and cool place this side of the Mason Dixon. I guess Covid was the definitive stopping place to those weekly goings about and then the tragedy struck. I guess I've just been too stressed to get back to the ease of homeschooling. Man, have I ruined the wonder we used to have? Maybe. 

Maybe ruin isn't the right word. I'm still searching for the right words to symbolize this year, so that when the times get tough I'll have something to hold on to. I'll have a verse or phrase that will reel me back into what's most important, our "why we home school in the first place," but as I'm sitting here, I'm wondering if I know why, anymore.

The main reason I chose home school was because I wanted to be a part of their lives. It felt odd to me to drop them off at 5 years old and not ever look back, to have them for only a few hours every evening and still want to play a main role in their lives. I know public education is “normal” and also how privileged I am to be able to stay home with my kids, but for me and them, I wanted more out of the next 13 years. 

I love the freedom of it. We could set our own schedules and do our own things. We could study whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, as long as it touched on five different subject areas mandated by the state. South Carolina's home school laws are lax compared to other states and I felt fortunate in that detail. 

It was never about fear for me, not in the early education years, anyway.  Well, not until Rosie. Her epilepsy had me fearing she'd not make it through and I felt a home education was best so that she could keep her Emergency Med on her at all times.

What I mean when I say fear, is I never feared what they would learn from their peers, or school shootings or the preparation for school shootings. I didn't like those things but they were never part of “the reason.” No, the reason was to do life with my children and not be apart. 

As they matured into middle and high school, the main reason remained, but that's when fear took residence. I was bullied from sixth grade on up into my 12th grade year of high school and I did not want my children to experience that kind of vile, soul-crushing behavior. 

I had already given them a leg up in the realities of being different, so throwing them headfirst into a less than loving environment scared me. Not to mention the other distractions one finds in a public place of hormonal peers. 

The fear didn't last long, once I began to see that the “differences” weren't bad. My children cared less about the trendiest fashions and the opposite sex and more about their grades, their friends and their plethora of hobbies. Homeschooling for me may have become boring, but not for them. 

We joined a co-op and then another one that seemed a better fit and we each excelled.  The co-op was a Godsend and yet still I felt ensnared in expectation and the High School blues. Last year was the end of boring and remembering my original why has me reinvigorated. 

I love the freedom homeschooling allows. Last year was boring? Okay. This year won't be. 

What do I need to make it better?  Interesting topics and a lighter course load. Great.

What's the plan? A summer science series, a 4-day work week, and dual enrollment classes for my eldest two. 

Seems doable. We shall see.