"In the fear of the Lord, one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." Proverbs 14:26

May 17, 2025

This week ended magically with a walk to our creek. I could be having the worst of days but one short trek down the little winding path that ends up on our beach front property and all the junk in my mind just eases away. It’s a legitimate ten degrees cooler in the gully and the mud is divinely cool between my toes. The only sounds are nature’s; the trickle of water, the soft bellowing of cows in the distance, the chirping birds and sometimes, old Mr. Peanut Butter, my three-legged cat follows me down and “talks” to me, pressing his body against me as he passes through my legs, insisting I pet him. It’s the kind of quiet that isn’t exactly so, but it nurtures and fills me with peace. 

It’s my favorite place. 

I go there and as soon as my feet hit the beach, I’m transported to another dimension, where the worries of my day fade. Sometimes,  I sit out there for hours, while the kids play in it, looking for the giant crawfish or salamanders under the smooth river rocks. Sometimes, they go geode hunting and other times they collect the gray bank mud to make sculptures. When a gully-washer comes, and the creek level is well past the usual points, we go tubing. It’s a wild ride but worth every rock that, without warning, jabs in the most sensitive of spots. We’ve only had rain like that once but we are prepared for the next one.  

Home school-wise, this week started out a little stressful. I was under a deadline to get all of the dual-enrollment documents together so that my two eldest could start in the fall. I had let the deadline sneak up on me and it was this ever-constant nagging inside my head until it was complete. 

On Wednesday, I had a panic attack. I was driving when it happened and I don’t recommend. Lack of sleep, compounded with stress, was not the way I saw our first week of our summer science series going, but when we got home, we pressed forward and did our science lesson anyway, and I found something within it, an acceptance of things that are out of my control. 

Before Wednesday, I was having a mama moment over the fact that my older two were growing up. I’ve been preparing for Lily’s departure, since my best friend’s first-born daughter graduated two years ago. I saw how their dynamic changed and naturally, it should. Growing up is a part of life, but as homeschooling mamas, we’ve been here since the beginning. We’ve seen it all. We’ve “done life” with our children and it seems harder somehow to let go.

It’s what we’ve been preparing them for, though, to be independent adults. The term independent implies an independence from childhood and parent involvement. But the moment my second-born said, “Hey, mom. I want to start dual-enrollment too this year,” I’ve been a basket-case. I was ready for Lil but not Leo. Leo caught me by surprise and I don’t know what happened. The worry box in my head got louder and I started making weird comparisons. I started comparing my personal college experience to theirs, that mind you, hasn’t even begun yet. I realized that I’ve been putting all my kiddos in my own boxes of how it went for me. They aren’t me. Gosh, Leo has more confidence than any kid I’ve seen his age. The boy is halfway there in “making it” just by being himself. 

They are both really smart and it wasn’t until I mentioned it to a group of friends, what their future plans are that I could put things into perspective. They know my kids. They have taught them through co-op classes and have insights that my over-protective self overlooked. They described them as no-nonsense, knowledgeable, creative and well-rounded. And they are. The whole point of this homeschooling thing wasn’t just to spend time with them, there was an endgame at play, and based on this group’s independent assessment of my children, I think we made it. 

Fast forward to Friday’s lesson which required creek play and observation, and things just seemed to fall into place, the way they were always meant to be. I’ve been desperately searching for solutions to "fix" my homeschooling self-imposed shortcomings, but I’ve done most of the hard work already. I’m not sure where this second-guessing is coming from but it needs to go! I’m an old pro at this. I know what to do. I know what works for my family. I don’t need to read another homeschooling book. I don't need to read another homeschooling blog. I don't need to ask my homeschooling peers to validate my homeschooling decisions. This is my home. This is my homeschool. I need to let it be and trust the process.  The kids are alright. ‼️