Last night, the children were arguing. It started out as a little disagreement, but quickly grew heated and hushed, with three of them engaging in shouting, furiously trying to get their points across, while the other one ran to her room, crawled into bed and uttered no more sound at all. This "fight" reached a fever-pitch when one grabbed the detachable sink faucet, mightily spraying his oldest sister in the face, while I looked on in utter disbelief. 

Neither Josh nor I raised our voices or demanded obedience, patterns we had to break when "old-school" discipline stopped working for our family. It was a hard habit to break, one we learned first-hand from two generations before us, who like to sometimes remind us, that it was a different time, and thank God for that. 

Once everyone calmed down, we gathered in our bedroom and we talked it out as a family. We were able to get to the heart of the matter. Funny how, communication will do that. There were no, "because I said so's," or "how dare you talk back to me that way's." They weren't shamed or belittled or made to feel like they were less than. We did speak about household roles because one was giving massive amounts of disrespect to their father, something Josh and I gently broke down, when we explained the roles of the household and what was expected henceforth. 

Yes, we are parents, but we listen to our children. I almost hate to say it, because my ego would love to take the credit, but the old ways never worked on our children. Our kids are regular chips off the old blocks. We are defiant. We buck up against authority. Josh and I are similar in that sense. Hey, it's nothing to be "proud" of, but as such, we became homeschoolers.

 Homeschooling is going against the norm. It is not a stretch that we are inherently like this, and our children have been asking questions since forever, because saying, because I said so, doesn't cut it around here. Asking questions is how they learn. Who would I be to censor them? We don't view it as "talking back," but understanding where they are coming from. 

I'm not telling you how to parent. I'm sharing our story because getting a switch, and using that whole line about, "I'm doing this out of love," before you hit your kid, just never sat right with us. I've been in rooms where towering fathers, angry at disobedient toddlers, in God's house no less, chase down their children and welp them into submission. Terrifying stuff. I've also been in rooms, like last night, where a family of six, four of them teens, a gangle of limbs and hair, gathered and cried and discussed their hopes, their fears and their unwavering love for one another. 

Today, we went to the skate park and giggled and spun and let down our incredibly luscious hair on the old merry-go-round that's been there for as long as I can remember. We laughed and we played and we talked and we loved and it was truly an awesome day. We were kinder today because our relationship had deepened. A safe-space was cultivated and each individual was free to share their feelings with no judgement and no strings attached.  Where everyone was allowed to speak and pride was left at the door. 

I'm definitely not perfect by any means, but I have to tell ya that the themes discussed during our pile-in were serious ones and despite that, we reached a level of appreciation and care that I've never experienced personally in a family-setting. There were no wrong answers or questions. There was respect for one another and real love, not the kind that hides behind fear. 

Today was a good day with my favorite people in the whole world. I'm thankful I got to spend this time with them and also grateful that our parenting style moved us into these emotionally healthier spaces. I never want my children to think I missed the mark. I want that closeness with them later in life, but for now, I'm just happy to be in the moment, watching them grow into the amazing humans that they are. 

Tonight, my heart is full but a little heavy knowing the world my children are growing up in, as anger, rage, and those in power further try to divide us. Not here. Not in my neck of the woods, for we love and cherish those that grace our footpaths. For now, I am going to hold my children close and pray the Lord keep them safe and I will cherish every last drop I have with them. We aren't promised tomorrow, so we should treat each new day like the blessing it is. 

From one mom to another, love those babies, whether they are 0 years old to 99. Listen when they tell you how they feel and let those feelings & thoughts have a safe place to land.  That is all. 

 -Jess ❤️