White Buffalo Homeschool - August 12, 2026
We started our homeschool year today. The twins are in 8th grade and got an early calmer start - just going over the basics - before the real stuff starts. For the rest of us, our classes begin on Monday.
Leo is beginning his full-year at USC-Lancaster as a Junior in Highschool, Lils begins her fully-funded, full-class load for the next 18 mos. at York Tech, and I begin my final three classes towards my Associate's Degree, finishing in December 2026. So far so good.
We started today because some recent mental health diagnoses have me exposing myself to what I would normally deem as imperfection. Let me explain. I went in for an ADHD test last Wednesday, completely convinced I was a card-carrying member of a yet to be diagnosed touch of the -tism; turns out no -tisms, but a whole lot of -nism. (perfectionism) I was shooketh and completely surprised by some of the findings.
After the test, I spoke with a lovely psychiatrist and discovered quite painfully, some things that I had long suspected - hello, social anxiety! - among other things that weren't so fun to learn; like, how I have depression and (gasp!) OCD. Not just any OCD, but the kind that obsesses over perfectionism. The social-anxiety combined with the OCD and depression makes for an interesting cycle of coo-coo-cachoo. (not a clinical term-LOL)
Here are a few examples:
If I take a quiz and I score a 95 and there is an option to redo it, girlfriend is going to get the 99. (That is where the obsession comes in.)
If it is time to make a decision, I replay every outcome, over and over and over and then I still ask others what they think I should do. (Decision-overwhelm with a sprinkling of people-pleasing to the umpteenth degree.)
Because of the social-anxiety, I have a really negative self-talk system occurring in my head at all times. (The self-esteem is whack, the self-compassion is literally non-existent, and the cycle of pouring everything I have into everyone else at the expense of myself, just stays on repeat.)
Most of this was learned-behavior over a period of 43 years, so I keep reminding myself to be kind. This will be an on-going project that won't just "fix" quick. It's gonna take time to relearn how to find worth that isn't attached to what I do. And yes, those of you who have been here for a while, it may be hard to understand how one can be depressed and still have hope in a good God. I understand the disconnect, but the depression is a part of me that is adjacent. It isn't who I am. I know who I am in Christ, but I can't just decide I'm depression-free. It requires help: therapy, medication, and ongoing resources.
Depression doesn't allow you to just say the words, and poof! Magically better. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain just because or because of trauma. I know God and I know that through this journey, He will sustain me, but I also know that it is going to be something that I work alongside Him for days, weeks, and even. years.
Now that I've addressed that, back to the point. I would usually tell myself we must start on Monday and we must have a ''perfect" breakfast and schedule and outfits and matchy-patchy school supplies and the moment something went "wrong," the entire day was lost and we would need to start over. (yo, perfectionism OCD...yikes) Soooooooooo ... we started in the middle of the week. The docket is not clear. We have events and appointments and little extras sprinkled in and it is okay - like, really okay.
I used one of the notebooks that I already had. (It was a gift from a fellow homeschooler with a sweet note of encouragement inside when I was stressed about the cancer stuff earlier this year.)
I did prepare a letterboard for the kids to take pictures with later, but if they want to wear PJs, cool. Whatever they are comfortable in, (and Ro started her period today, so I doubt she gives a flying Frappuccino what outfit she's in. Sweet, girl-power.)
I'm going from a TYPE-A Homeschool mom to a Type-whatever doesn't involve thinking too much about anything other than what works the day-of for my kiddos and me.
My hope for this homeschool year is that we come to the table with a sense of wonder and that we just simply learn together at our own pace, letting ourselves be present in the process, and that we give ourselves compassion, kindness, and grace. That we emulate the same love and compassion that Jesus gives us.
Not in a stressed-out, toxically positive kind of way that INISTS with fierce and forced bravado that WE MUST LOVE OUR FREAKING NEIGHBORS!!!
Nope.
But with a gentleness that allows for mistakes, stumbles, and compassion. We've already begun to break the cycle and that is good enough. I am good enough. Just as I am. The kiddos are good enough. The house is good enough. The living that we do in it is good enough. We accept ourselves for who GOD created us as is. Periodt.
Here's to self-acceptance and compassion. May it be at the forefront of our minds as we love ourselves appropriately.